And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
