I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
