just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
