I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
