I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
