Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
