do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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