so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
