I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
