Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
