Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
