they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
