I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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