dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
