I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
