i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
worst night to have a conscience
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
