Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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