Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She's the barista slut.
As shirtless as possible
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
