I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
