I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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