Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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