If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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