I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
