Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
