my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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