Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
