i would punch a child for taco bell
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
