Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
