apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
