I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
