last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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