i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
