i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
