he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
