The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
