it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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