people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
