There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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