Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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