A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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