just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
