my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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