Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
