You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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