the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
