Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't put those talents on a resume
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
