I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
