Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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