i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
a search helicopter?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
