I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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