Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
