i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
