What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
