Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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