My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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