this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
