Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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