I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
