i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
