I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
