I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
