my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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