I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
